I didn’t even cry when I got water up my nose.
It looked kinda like this.
I hi-fived an orphan kid.
I probably read this one.
I like going there.
I can swim.
It doesn’t bother me at all.
Here it is.
It was in New York City.
I was wearing jeans.
11. I got 3rd place at the Mr. Mustang Pageant in High School.
It was cool.
12. I put Cholula Hot Sauce on my pizza.
It tastes good.
13. I know all the lyrics to “Can We Talk” by Tevin Campbell.
All of them.
14. I can make fart noises by blowing into my knuckles.
It’s pretty funny.
15. I take really big poops.
Think this is a joke?
16. I’ve played a game of baseball before.
This isn’t me.
17. I have veiny hands.
See what I mean?
18. I’ve been on a date with a girl.
It didn’t lead to anything but it went pretty well.
19. I have a poodle named Gracie.
20. I got called a “dumb mother-[expletive]” when I worked as a production assistant one time and it didn’t hurt my feelings that much.
It was pretty hilarious in retrospect.
21. I choked on bacon fat three consecutive days in a row once and it didn’t stop me from eating it all the time.
It tastes too good to stop.
I’m pretty amazing but we can still be friends, I guess.